Dealing with negative emotions is sometimes a very personal challenge for me as I often deal with a lot of negativity or negative people in my work when doing psychic readings, let face it not many people come to see me when there in a happy place, so at times it hard to remain positive.
So I thought I would write something based on the research that I have found on the subject that may help others when going through a difficult time.
We cannot avoid experiencing negative emotions and some people try ignoring them, and distracting themselves rather than facing up to them, did you know that you are actually causing these emotions to intensify and become greater. Trying to avoid experiencing negative emotions, actually, makes you experience them more frequently and with more intensity.
Basically there are only two types of people never experience negative emotions psychopaths and dead people.
So the idea that you should always be in positive frame of mind can cause some serious problems and worsen the experience of going through negative emotions. Your emotions are messengers trying to send you information. The sooner you accept that and listen to what they are saying, the better off you will be.
Negative emotions provide you with meaningful and relevant information that you can use to make decisions, prioritize, and understand that something is going on in your life, listen to that message.
But also know that those emotions aren’t necessary correct or right they don’t mean you have to go in that particular direction, but they are providing you with incredibly useful information that you should listen to and incorporate into your behaviour.
In fact, when you look at high stakes performers like stock traders and professional poker players they don’t try to remove emotion from what they are doing they use it to help them with their decision making.
There are two reasons you want to be able to better handle your emotions, one is Performance and the other is Peace of Mind.
Let’s look at a couple of ways to master emotions to create peace of mind.
The first is meditation. Meditation is proven again and again to be one of the most effective ways of dealing with anxiety, stress, and negative emotions.
The second way of mastering your emotions is self compassion. This helps combat emotional perfectionism and builds an understanding that it’s OK to experience negative emotions sometimes.
Self compassion is taking better care of you both mentally and emotionally. I bet many of you can relate to this, we often reserve the most brutal and severe self talk for ourselves we say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to a close friend facing the same challenge, and we expect things of ourselves that we would never expect of anyone else.
People might think, for example, that being self compassionate is about being lazy or it’s about being weak or it’s about going easy on yourself. In fact, the research shows the opposite.
The research shows that when people create a self forgiving and safe psychological space within themselves, that those people tend to be more experimental, more able to take risks and to take chances, because they recognise that if they fail, that they still save their self, those individuals who are self compassionate tend to be less weak, less lazy and, in fact, more honest with themselves and are able to get through setbacks more effectively.
So I think recognising how you might speak to yourself, because, of course, we all speak to ourselves. We all have that inner dialogue with ourselves where we will say, “You’re such an idiot,” or, “You are not cut out for this.” A lot of our self talk is lacking in compassion, we would not use that language with people who we truly love and yet we use it with ourselves.
A good place to start about self compassion is simply become aware. Simply start noticing the language that you use to actually attack yourself.
When you’re going through a setback or a difficulty and you’re starting to be really hard on yourself this is the time to treat yourself kinder.
One of the biggest things working against self compassion is the mistaken belief that you need to be in a positive emotional state all the time and can actually worsen your subjective experience resulting in behaviour like, getting anxious about being anxious or being angry about being angry etc.
When we are hurting, when we notice that we’ve had a disappointment, we’ve had a failure; something hasn’t turned out well, which it inevitably will at some point. We all have these moment of defeat, that we can just be nice to ourselves and give ourselves a hug, feel the feeling of vulnerability, feel the feeling of failure, and trust that that’s okay too, that it’s just part of the cycle because as it turns out, none of us are so great and none of us are so terrible.
Meditation, along with other loving kindness practices, can be powerful tools for cultivating and building self compassion. So if you want to take better care of yourself mentally and emotionally, start with the simple act of being more loving and compassionate to yourself.
# Self love # kindness # mediation # positive thinking # self forgiving # negativity #